It’s Saturday night and I’m reflecting in the kitchen over a spiked horchata and a belly full of veggie tacos and one pastor because I can’t say no when it’s right in my face. Life has taken another shift. Wednesday night, I asked a guy I met at an art function if he would be interested in catching the A$AP Rocky show and he was down. I fully intended on trying to get in, but Thursday night rolled around and we ended up just fooling around at his place. It was chill. We didn’t have sex because this guy has a girlfriend and I have a moral compass that made me go, “So don’t you have a girlfriend? What’s up with that?” But the moral compass is clearly lacking. It was fun and I was fingered a little. Big deal.
I told my friends about this thinking they’d be just as nonchalant, but this was not the case. Respectful monogamy is still a thing. I’d like to say I don’t know what made me so cynical, but I’m pretty sure it was my dad cheating on my mom and my mom never getting over it for the rest of her life that made me realize how pointless it is to put all your emotional eggs in one physical basket. Like my dad was a piece of shit for going to Vietnam and using his American wealth to fuck women, but, at the same time, does “attraction” last forever? It seems like a lot to expect from a human being. At least if we’re honest about the state of things, we know what we’re getting ourselves into.
This is the first month I’ve gone this far without updating the calendar in my room. I guess it’s been that busy. I’m still just attempting steps in the right direction, fumbling about like an idiot, trying way too hard and caring way too much. Why is life so much easier when you have parents who actually worry about your wellbeing? Maybe not easy in some senses, but easy in that you don’t have to protect yourself and your interests all the time because you have somebody who wants to protect you just as much. I’m sick of having to tie back all my personality traits to my shitty life experiences. The psychoanalyzing must stop.
A healthy dose of “Nobody Care” is where I’m trying to be. Is it problematic to fool around with a guy that’s taken? Yes, completely. But are #richTaiwaneseboys only meant for #richChinesegirls? I’d like to think not.
A STOR¥ BY ? 
Hmmmm. I can see where you’re coming from. Today’s “generation” whatever that means, has de-valued intimacy into casual sex. Friends w/ benefits, fuck buddies, hook ups, etc.
Relationships, more often than not, are based on physical attraction. So, when someone more physically appealing comes along it results in cheating and betrayal.
For me, relationships should be built on friendship, mutual interests and respect. Why is it we won’t betray a friend but so easily betray a significant other? So, our significant other should be our friend, confidant, companion, partner, and lover. Otherwise we might as well be beasts rutting in the fields.