Sleep has gotten easier. I thought The Princess and The Pea story was dumb until I realized I’m just as sensitive. Turns out my pillowcase was slightly askew. Hah.
Last weekend, I went to Camp Flog Gnaw and had the greatest time with my friend Deanna and my cousin Justin. Justin came to LA for a week. We did all the things. We took the metro all throughout downtown, we went to the beach, we saw Kanye and Cudi for fuck’s sake. After Sunday I was like, I don’t know what else to show you because I don’t know if it can get any better.
I also had my heart broken at Camp. There was a guy I wanted to see who didn’t want to see me. And then he told me he didn’t want anything serious, so I told him good luck and blocked him. I went out Saturday night and got trapped in the men’s room, a dizzying amount of drunk and yelling at the security guy to get me water, or call the cops then tell them to get me water. I think about my mom a lot, when I’m bent over a toilet and regretting my life decisions. Mostly I’m thinking, Thank God I don’t have a child to witness this bullshit. Thank God I can hold my own hair, ask for a friend to take care of me, and so on.
It hurts to not be taken seriously, but maybe that’s hard in a city like Los Angeles where everybody wants to matter more than the next person. C’est la vie. I can’t say I’ve ever understood heteronormative ideas like, “If a girl sleeps with you on the first date, she ain’t the one.” Way to strip autonomy from women.
I’m still surviving in this weird city and soaking it all up. Tori came over the day homeboy stepped on my little heart and she told me to publish this thought somewhere, so here I am to write it down.
As I’ve realized more and more how representation in media matters, I find it hard to consume the way I used to. Justin and I were watching The Informant and I fell asleep because I was bored by the all-White casting. Yeah, it might’ve been an interesting movie. But were interesting scenarios and characters only made for White people?
Why is the idea that only these things can happen or belong to White people so prevalent? No knocks on the Whites, you guys have done a good job. But also, like the heteronormative notions that hold us all back, the notion that People of Color don’t have a place in period movies is uh… dumb. Like, why does American canon tell us high school is the best time of our lives? Maybe it’s because White people peak that early… and the rest of us… have melanin.
A STOR¥ BY ? 