76. sin

I lost my virginity last Saturday. It was to the rich Taiwanese dude and it was chill. I think at 24, having sex means a lot less than what it might mean to a 16-year-old who thinks she’s going to stay with her high school sweetheart for the rest of her life. I don’t know if I have any romantic notions towards sex. We didn’t use a condom and when we had sex for the second time a few days later, continuing to not use protection, he told me if I got pregnant it was “Meant To Be.” I said, “Fuck you,” then asked if he wanted to have a baby with me. He said he would tell me to abort. Obviously, I would… but tying down an absurdly wealthy Taiwanese guy with a baby isn’t a half bad idea.

(Jokes, I’m joking people, totally joking.)

There are always two sides of Jenni. The side who wants to derail her life with a series of bad decisions and the side who wants more for herself. The side who wants to derail her life eats a cookie the size of her face everyday because she tells herself she works way too hard not to. The side who wants more for herself stops massaging dude’s feet when he says, “She’s fitting into the Vietnamese stereotype,” to softly pat his leg and admit out loud, “I want more for myself.”

It’s going to be a year since I moved from North Carolina and I’ve grown and accomplished so much. I wrote early on I’d be measuring my first year in LA and I think I have been.

See you tomorrow!