When a Vietnamese woman raised
in the collective mind leaves…
it’s like going to the beach in October,
getting into the water,
wading in until the ocean covers you
up to your neck,
and you know at any moment you could
drift off into the dark,
but you’re standing there
and letting the feeling of smallness pierce you,
and you swim over the wave,
let the current pull you back to the sand
where you lay in the sun and
dry away
before doing it all over again.
Last night I cursed out a man who was a part of my family for almost a decade. He was an uncle in a self-proclaimed “domestic partnership” with my favorite aunt. When my grandmother died last year, he left to California for “business” and when that busted he returned to dawdle around, sucking my aunt of even more funds, then headed back to the motherland where he said he was going to teach English, only to immediately pair up with some pale-skinned 20-year-old and publicize the relationship on Facebook instead.
This, after my aunt supported him through his fake ass Strayer University education, which put him in thousands of dollars of debt; which took up years and years and years and excused him from doing actual work, which my aunt helped pay for, too. Before I could stop myself, I sent him a message calling him a piece of shit asshole, a broke ass lying ass bitch, and a disgusting loser for paying to fuck some woman with my aunt’s money.
He responded with a “shut your mouth you nasty fat bitch” and I told him to take care of his kids so they don’t end up like him, then blocked him. There were other insults on my part that were unnecessary, but he deserves something like a getting crushed by a steamroller compared to what I said, so – not really.
I went to bed after talking to a friend about the whole ordeal and woke up early to get December started right. I exercised, showered, and started reading Rolling Stones Interviews where most of the writing, it seems, is by men on men. Snooze.
My point is. If you are at the precipice of cursing out a grown ass man – who has been in your life as someone you were meant to respect, but have lost all respect for because he was never someone who deserved any in the first place – do it. Not enough grown ass men get cursed out for being scumbags. Not enough young ass men get cursed out for being scumbags. I’m tired of seeing the women in my life getting walked over, from my coworkers to my aunts to basically every female in the damn world. I’m really sick of the narrative where men hurt us and we cry to each other, then let them get away with it. I’d rather be called a bitch than bite my tongue and choke to death on my own blood. Even if it’s small acts of pettiness, I really don’t care. Go Amélie on the grocer’s ass. We’re not trying to get murdered here, but can we start acting like our feelings matter?
It seems especially bad in Vietnamese culture, but I’m sure that’s only because I know it from this context. I’m willing to bet we all have it bad. Let’s all channel Cardi B, who says being a feminist is being equal to do what a man do.
A STOR¥ BY ? 