It bothers me when people concern themselves with another person’s identity. Do they dress masculine? Do they dress feminine? What does it mean? Are they gay? Are they trans? And so on.
But does it matter? I think it’s become such a thing for people to uphold their “queer” identities and yet there are members, in and out of the community, who care too much about labels. Since moving to California, I’ve had coworkers ask me not so subtly if I’m gay. Except they don’t even ask. They beat around the bush and expect me to come out to them about an identity or orientation I don’t really care to pin down. I don’t assume everyone is straight. I don’t assume anyone is gay. But I do assume that everybody has it within themselves to be attracted to a person regardless of gender, race, or ethnicity. That might not be the case, but if I’m going to assume anything, I think that’s fair. I’ve heard comments not directed at me, but about “girls who dress ‘like boys’.” I’m guilty and what of it? Some days I’ll wear an oversized t-shirt and comfortable black pants and sneakers. And there are days where I’ll rock a skirt and crop top and men will gawk. Is being attractive to the opposite sex what gives me value as a woman? And if I’m not trying to be that, is my womanhood invalidated?
These thoughts don’t personally worry me too much. I don’t get hung up on how people view me, but the notion that someone can feel like they know you more than you know yourself is interesting. And sometimes, that may be the case. Maybe I am gay as hell. Maybe I’m not. But that’s none of your business, is it?
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